I remember the first time I saw him. Across a huge crowd of unknown students, jostling, laughing, shouting, playing, fighting their way onto buses. I see his face in profile laughing with friends nodding. I see him smile enveloped in the conversation. Oblivious to me watching him.
The second time we meet. A bus shelter with friends. Introductions are short. Me not myself. Him quiet and over shadowed by his obnoxious friend and his antics.
We meet in the hallway of a new school. Him thinking “its her”. Changing schools is hard. I have no place. I belong no where.
I sit, looking for refuge in friends that aren’t my own, at a table of strangers. He doesnt look at me but I hear in his voice the kindness and humor that will charm me off my feet.
A party. My best friends birthday. The hope that he’d come. He doesnt.
We walk together in circles and circles and circles. We chat. Theres moments of long silence. I know whats coming and it makes me laugh. Hes nervous and its adorable. His hands are sweaty. Instead he keeps talking. Postponing. Finding confidence.
Infront of a art piece I saw created from the start, he finally asks. I think of playing with him, my sarcasm clawing to get out. His anxiety is killing him and his courage is waning. I answer with a smirk knowing I couldnt be that cruel. Embrace him with a light kiss on the cheek and whisper “Of course”.
Not knowing my answer 7 years later would be the same.
“ My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We'll lock them up together,
And throw away the key.
~Frederick Saunders”
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